Being a girl who laughs a lot and conveying optimism in daily conversations, even when there’s a pile of things up on me, it makes people surrounding me feeling that I am able to accomplish more things. But underneath that optimism, when I am given a new task and haven’t started yet, the uncertainty of the process and outcome makes me doubt myself easily and feel reluctant initially.

The main goal of my first semester was preparing for the IELTS test. When my teacher told me that it isn’t impossible for me to get a 7 in my first attempted test at the beginning of the semester, I couldn’t imagine at all. Me? 7? I was like Oh, never mind, just try my best and see where it goes. My teacher encouraged me to register in October for the test in December and required me to do three mock tests per week. I was feeling overwhelmed by the uncertainty and the workload. But instead of letting that fear stop me, I chose to take actions. I took every mock test seriously and analyzed my mistakes in details. Through this process, I get to see my improvements month by month and build up confidence little by little. Gradually, the feeling of uncertain turned into certain. On the actual test day, I had a strong feeling that I had the chance of reaching my goal score. The score was something I have expected but it still surprised me when it came out officially--it was 7.5.

Besides preparing for IELTS test and having more than ten required courses, I was given an opportunity to learn one extra course and take the exam in the next school year--either AP Biology or CSA. Despite being keen on biology, I chose CSA, considering the complexity and my English proficiency at that time. It was extraordinary difficult for me to fully comprehend especially when learning something I’m not interested in and being intimidated by the terminologies. I just told myself that I can learn two years and it’s OK if I didn’t master it right now. That situation even made me feel no matter how many years are left for me to learn CSA, I will never be able to grasp those knowledge. However, I can’t accept the idea of not putting any effort in and failing in quizzes. So I worked very hard after finishing my IELTS test, feeling that AI might be annoyed with all my questions. Thanks to my perseverance, I enjoy that feeling really confident before mock tests now.

I realized that it was the uncertainty and unstable feelings that motivated me to strive ahead. Through these journeys full of ups and downs, I would believe in myself more when facing new challenges. Now, I still have a lot of standardized tests to take and a lot of extracurricular things to organize. Am I capable to manage all those things? I still have moments of hesitation, but I believe the answer is a confident YES!